"I was asking too many questions for which there were no answers. I stopped attending," he said.
Fredette, a 51-year-old openly gay man, said his choice of lifestyle was the crux of his decision.
"I couldn't reconcile that and live honestly. It would have just been a sham," he said. "I spent 25 years in what I call a spiritual desert before discovering ... the Unitarian Universalist faith.
Fredette "came in the side door" as pastor of the First Parish Church on Church Street in August, and will be officially installed Sunday. He lives in Waltham, off Linden Street.
His brother is a Roman Catholic priest. His father was a funeral director.
"What appealed to me most about (the church) was its very open embrace," Fredette said. "It's important to listen. There are people who want you to help them make sense of their lives in meaningful ways."
Unitarian Universalism is a liberal religion, one that keeps an open mind to the religious questions people struggle with. It does not ask anyone to subscribe to a creed, according to Fredette.
"It promotes the dignity of all people," he said. "It's not a matter of what you believe, but that you are seeking, and believe, in your faith. I take great solace in the story of Jesus Christ."
He said the church upholds the democratic process, and does not have a book of common prayer.
Its hymnal begins with vows to promote: the inherent worth and dignity of every person; justice, equity and compassion in human relations; acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in the congregation; a free and responsible search for truth and meaning; the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within the congregation and society at large; the goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all; and the respect for ... all existence.
"We encourage people to live their lives," Fredette said. "It's not a big love fest."
Before starting classes at Harvard Divinity School, a few days before the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, Fredette worked as the director of engineering for Newmarket Software.
"My professional successes were not nourishing me and didn't bring me the happiness that I expected it would," he said. "Software really helped me understand that material success is not enough for all people."
At age 20, Fredette went to California, where he received an undergraduate degree from Humboldt State University in political science and French literature. He then began working on his masters degree in French, but his father became ill and Fredette returned to New England.
"This is definitely a second career," said Fredette, who was ordained in 2004, after completing the Harvard master's of divinity program.
Fredette spent two years as the interim minister of a church in Arkansas, before expressing interest in leading First Parish.
He said the process begins much like online dating.
First, a candidate uploads his or her ministry record to a secure Web site, and gains access to information about all Unitarian Universalist churches looking for a minister. The candidate then clicks on the profile of the church he or she is most interested in. Then, they wait.
He said the church committee selected to choose a new minister, then conducts a phone interview. If the candidate passes muster, they submit their packets, which includes information such as their ideas about ministry, and worship style.
Next, they are invited to the church for a weekend. They spend time with the committee, and preach in front of another church - not the congregation they may eventually lead.
He said preaching in front of the congregation you are looking to serve may bias church-goers and not allow the search committee to do its job.
"The committee chooses who will be the best fit," Fredette said. "I was their top candidate, and I was very happy about it. I've been very blessed."
The First Parish congregation then voted: 89 in favor of Fredette, and one against his appointment.
"I've since learned who that person is, and he's since become my biggest fan," said Fredette, who said he spoke openly about his sexual orientation during his second sermon at the church. "I spoke of the process of coming out and how many doors were shut at that time."
Parishioner Joyce Mohr said the congregation is very excited about Fredette's installation.
"He ... has brought his many talents and a great enthusiasm to his ministry," she wrote in a letter the Tribune announcing the service.
Fredette's installation, "the ceremonial start of a new ministry in Waltham," begins at 4 p.m. Sunday at the First Parish Church in Waltham, Universalist Unitarian, 50 Church St. A reception will follow the service.
Jennifer Roy is a Daily News staff writer. She can be reached at 781-398-8005 or jroy@cnc.com.
