It may be a new ritual involving journal writing, or making time at the end of the day to create a list of all the positive things accomplished since that morning. It could even be, in the worst case, five minutes stolen in a busy office as a woman tunes out the tumult around her to contemplate the view from a window.
Life today is lived at high speed. Seixas believes there's still time for women to switch, as need be, to the slow lane.
"When I had my children, there was this huge responsibility I felt for these lives I brought into the world," said Seixas, 56, a Weston psychotherapist who has been in practice for more than 25 years. "There was a sense I couldn't do something just to enjoy it, I had to check it off the list."
Recognizing that women everywhere are rushing through life and taking time for everything but themselves, Seixas wrote "Finding the Deep River Within: A Woman's Guide to Recovering Balance & Meaning in Everyday Life." The book advises women to take at least a little time for themselves, and provides exercises and insight on how to make that happen.
The book evolved from her popular "Touching the Deep River" group sessions, which she has held for the past 12 years. Seixas continues to lead the sessions through The Women's Well, a Concord-based nonprofit.
"They came from my experience as a mother of young children," Seixas said. "I was trying to find some semblance of the inner life I once had - I felt like I had lost my inner bearings."
The "deep river" came from a mental image she had while going through a hard time in her life. She pictured a river, deep inside herself, a place of peace where she could take a pause.
"This isn't about women needing some pampering time," Seixas said. "This is about attending to our needs. If we're all speeding around, checking things off the list, there's never going to be a time to catch your breath. It's about finding an off switch; do we take the time to listen to our inner selves?
"The truth is, it really isn't just a women's issue," Seixas added. "The way I see it, at this point in time, in this culture, women are bearing the brunt of society's 24-7 speeding norm."
Studies have shown women who work outside the home frequently continue to do the lion's share of work in the home, she noted. Women also have a tendency to put their own needs behind that of their family's.
Several of the exercises Seixas recommends include:
- Taking time in: Take 5 to 10 minutes, or as much as a half hour, to just stop and collect your thoughts. "I have some women in my groups who have had the intention to meditate, the intention to journal or walk, but can't take the time," Seixas said. "They tell me just taking some time in can be very helpful."
- Saying no: Recognize you can't do it all. "I try to give a lot of permission to not have to do it all," Seixas said. "Your expectation should not be that you have to do everything all the time."
- Do something just for fun: "When your kids are young, what kind of goes off the radar is doing something just for fun, just for you," Seixas said.
- Make a list: Not a to-do list but an already-done list. "It can be so satisfying, at the end of a day when you feel like you've done absolutely nothing, to make a list that shows you really did accomplish something," Seixas said.
"Finding the Deep River Within" has garnered attention since its publication last fall, including notice in Oprah Winfrey's O magazine and a segment on the "Today" show. Next month, she takes off for a brief book tour on the West Coast and bookings are continuously added to her calendar locally.
"When you've written a book about this, everyone expects you always to be balanced," Seixas said. "If you need to slow down, never write a book about slowing down."
Contact Jennifer Lord at 508-626-3880 or jpaluzzi@cnc.com.
